Boys, Marketing, and Other Things I Know About

....But have little experience in.

My mom is one of those strange parents that wants me to date...more than I want me to date. To the point that she is now suggesting I go into random bars to pick up random guys and do R-rated things with them. I'm not a prude, I just don't believe on wasting my time on assholes guys that are drunk as a skunk, and won't be interested in me in less than 24 hours. The more my mom talks about guys, the less interested I am in trying to "make it happen." Make it happen? What exactly am I making happen? Because that sounds like the opposite of what I'm looking for. Don't get me wrong, I want to have sex. In fact, I had a fantastic dream the other day... I hope before I graduate college the "big moment" happens. But, I'm not just going to "make it happen."

See, boys are like a product. A product that you either buy or rent. The problem is: they have a brilliant marketing team. So, girls are looking for this fantastic product that they've seen, or read about. Maybe an Edward, or a Superman, or Heathcliff, or Jace, Mr. Darcy. But the problem is, these don't exist. So, it's like walking into a store after watching this fantastic commercial, ready to buy, and then you see this crappy beginning model (like a guy peeing on the sidewalk, or cussing out his mom, or messed up teeth). And you want the HD 5th generation (Captain America), not this stupid, used 1st generation product. But the real thing. The product that was advertised to you.

I'm not looking for a Jacob Black, or an Iron Man, but is it too much to ask for time. I'm not interested in you, you're interested in me for five minutes (you'll get it over it), it's probably best if we just skip the next few awkward days.

-TAASG